I can't believe he is a year and a half old! Where did the time go?! We took J in for his appt and he is 20lbs 11oz and now in the 3rd percentile! That's right he is back on the chart! It must be all that great food mommy has been feeding him. He is the most amazing boy and we are so lucky to have him.
He is starting to say a lot more words like, oreo, ding dong, purple, paper, door, more, bye-bye, uh-oh, duck, frog, banana (nona), to name a few. He sleeps through the night when he is not teething. He currently has two molars coming on upper and lower left gums. Poor little guy! Even if he does wake up a little oragel and tylenol do the trick and he is back to bed in 5 minutes.
Jamison is also understanding more commands now to. He will bring me his shoes if I ask, he will sit down when it is time to eat, and if I say we are going bye-bye he gets really really excited.
He does get seperation anxiety from time to time when I drop him off at daycare or go to four seasons to work out. He cries and says momma and it tears at my heart but I know after I leave that he will be ok.
On Valentine's day we had a little date at Play all day which is an indoor gym with inflatables, ball pit, and tons of toys.After we ate lunch at pizza hut and then it was time for his afternoon nap. While he was sleeping I roasted a chicken for supper with the fixings. We had such a great time and I have some pictures from V-day and I will post the website.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/thegouldfam/sets/72157625997140165/show/
I went back to work for the first time on Monday and it went pretty well. I missed everyone and they had missed me while I was gone. It was kind of tough because there are two women that are pregnant and a third that is due any day now. I still wish I was pregnant with Isabelle and she was healthy. I am happy for the women, but wish that my situation could've turned out differently. I know this a normal part of the grieving process. I have also found a friend that lives in North Carolina that had the same thing and we have been e-mailing back and forth. It is nice to talk to someone who has been through the same thing I have too.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Mexico!
In late December when we found out our prognosis with Isabelle, we decided to book a trip to Mexico for just the two of us! We had an amazing time. We stayed for 6 days and 5 nights. We received a couple's massage on Tuesday morning last week and it was amazing. It was so relaxing! We also went snorkeling on the mesoamerican reef near Puerto Morelos where we stayed. It is the second largest reef in the world and we saw things like sea turtles, angel fish, lobster, star fish, and a squid. It was by far the best snorkeling I have ever had.
The resort we stayed at was Ocean Coral and Turquesa in Puerto Morelos, Mexico. It had 6 restaurants, 4 pools, and the night life was awesome. We listened to karoake one night, danced a few nights, and watched grease put together by the staff at the resort. We definitely needed to get away and this was the perfect get away.
Our parents watched Jamison. Steve and Roxanne watched J for the first part of our vacation and my parents watched Jamison the last part of our vacay. He did amazing! He slept through the night for them every night and played all day! He missed us but had a ton of fun with grandma and grandpa!
Also I go back to work on Feb 21 and when I go back I am so excited to be part time. I know that I will not regret this decision because I have loved spending my time with Jamison while I have been off of work. It will be the perfect balance. He will get to spend about 2-3 days a week at daycare with his buddies and the rest of the week at home with me! I will work 3 days a week. I do realize that we have been through a very difficult time lately but it has made me realize how lucky I am to have the things we do have. We are all healthy, we have a wonderful little boy, a great marriage, and a wonderful home. I am still a very blessed person and all the prayers from people have helped because we really feel at peace knowing that Isabelle is in heaven!
Here are more pics of our vacay http://www.flickr.com/photos/thegouldfam/sets/72157625938451906/show/
The resort we stayed at was Ocean Coral and Turquesa in Puerto Morelos, Mexico. It had 6 restaurants, 4 pools, and the night life was awesome. We listened to karoake one night, danced a few nights, and watched grease put together by the staff at the resort. We definitely needed to get away and this was the perfect get away.
Our parents watched Jamison. Steve and Roxanne watched J for the first part of our vacation and my parents watched Jamison the last part of our vacay. He did amazing! He slept through the night for them every night and played all day! He missed us but had a ton of fun with grandma and grandpa!
Also I go back to work on Feb 21 and when I go back I am so excited to be part time. I know that I will not regret this decision because I have loved spending my time with Jamison while I have been off of work. It will be the perfect balance. He will get to spend about 2-3 days a week at daycare with his buddies and the rest of the week at home with me! I will work 3 days a week. I do realize that we have been through a very difficult time lately but it has made me realize how lucky I am to have the things we do have. We are all healthy, we have a wonderful little boy, a great marriage, and a wonderful home. I am still a very blessed person and all the prayers from people have helped because we really feel at peace knowing that Isabelle is in heaven!
Here are more pics of our vacay http://www.flickr.com/photos/thegouldfam/sets/72157625938451906/show/
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Remembering Isabelle Grace Gould
Well we did go into the hospital on January 5th and around 10am they gave me the first prostaglandin to induce labor. It took about 4 prostaglandins that were spaced about 6 hours in between for us to deliver our sweet angel. The side effects from the drugs were pretty rough. I would not wish this kind of delivery upon anyone. However on Jan 5th all of our family was in the room and I told the nurse that I wanted to listen to her heartbeat by doppler and we could hear the strongest heartbeat ever and that is the last time I will ever hear her heartbeat. My water broke around 10 am on Jan 6th and labor pretty much stopped after that. At around 2pm my doctor came in and he said that it was time to push and I pushed and Isabelle was born into this world. There was no heartbeat or breaths at that time. Andy and I got to see her and she looked perfect to us and she always will be. She was 8 inches long and 5.6 oz. The nurses took her away and cleaned her up and brought her back in a basket with blankets all around her and a hat that fit perfectly on her little head. We held her for such a long time and memorized every part of her so that we could remember her forever. Our families were there and they got to see her also. We passed her around and everyone cried and looked at her beautiful small body. Then after some time we said our goodbyes and gave her back to the nurse.
We had her body cremated at a local funeral home and held a memorial on January 11, 2011. It was at the Memorial Park Cemetary and we had a lot of family there supporting us. Our pastor came and was absolutely amazing. He always seems to know just what to say. Isabelle's ashes were in a casket and Andy and I placed a single pink rose on top of her casket. It was a beautiful ceremony! Andy, Dana, and I went and got coffee afterwards and then we went back to the cemetary to see where she was buried at. We will put a marker on at a later date. There was a reception after the memorial at Roxanne and Steve's house, where a social worker from St Luke's that knew Roxanne, had donated a ham, scalloped potatoes, and chips and salsa.
I miss her so much and still don't understand why she was taken away from me at such a young age. She had her whole life ahead of her. I guess these are things that I will never understand...I do have some poems that I absolutely love and they have helped me a little bit.
I didn't have to look into your eyes to fall in love with you.
I didn't have to hear you cry to know you loved me too.
I didn't need to hold your hand to cherish you forever.
Within my womb, we shared our hearts, you touched my soul.
You sweetened my spirit.
You gave me memories I will always hold dear. Yes, my heart aches since you departed too soon.
But a mother's love does not end with death. For you are my child, Forever my love is yours.
~Unknown
The world may never notice if a snowdrop never blooms,
Or even pause to wonder,
If the pedal falls too soon.
But every life that ever forms,
Or ever comes to be,
Touches the world in some small way
For all eternity.
The little one we long for
Was swiftly here and gone.
But the love that was then planted
Is a light that still shines on.
And though our arms are empty,
Our hearts know what to do.
Every beating of our hearts
Says that we do love you.
~Unknown
God's Flower Garden
Sometimes we can't quite understand Our Great Creators way
When he takes a life so young And leaves one withered, old and gray.
Whose life work seems finished, Perhaps is waiting for the call
While that life so young and tender
Held so much love for us all.
Then sometimes I get to thinking,
Perhaps this world down here below
Is just a flower garden,
Where God's flowers live and grow,
And perhaps when God is lonely ,
Like us, He likes to roam
In His garden gathering flowers
Just to beautify his Home.
Tho' He takes the full-bloom flowers
Drooped and withered that need His care
Still He needs a bud or blossom,
To scatter with them here and there,
So He takes a few choice blossoms
Just the rarest He can find
And because God needs them up in Heaven,
Must comfort loved ones left behind.
~Jeanne Parker
Revelations 21:4 And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; There shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.
I know that Isabelle has no pain and suffering and all she ever knew was love. She is up in heaven meeting up with all of our relatives that have passed away and that she is safe with Jesus. I love you my sweet angel Isabelle Grace Gould!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/thegouldfam/sets/72157625683205997/
We had her body cremated at a local funeral home and held a memorial on January 11, 2011. It was at the Memorial Park Cemetary and we had a lot of family there supporting us. Our pastor came and was absolutely amazing. He always seems to know just what to say. Isabelle's ashes were in a casket and Andy and I placed a single pink rose on top of her casket. It was a beautiful ceremony! Andy, Dana, and I went and got coffee afterwards and then we went back to the cemetary to see where she was buried at. We will put a marker on at a later date. There was a reception after the memorial at Roxanne and Steve's house, where a social worker from St Luke's that knew Roxanne, had donated a ham, scalloped potatoes, and chips and salsa.
I miss her so much and still don't understand why she was taken away from me at such a young age. She had her whole life ahead of her. I guess these are things that I will never understand...I do have some poems that I absolutely love and they have helped me a little bit.
I didn't have to look into your eyes to fall in love with you.
I didn't have to hear you cry to know you loved me too.
I didn't need to hold your hand to cherish you forever.
Within my womb, we shared our hearts, you touched my soul.
You sweetened my spirit.
You gave me memories I will always hold dear. Yes, my heart aches since you departed too soon.
But a mother's love does not end with death. For you are my child, Forever my love is yours.
~Unknown
The world may never notice if a snowdrop never blooms,
Or even pause to wonder,
If the pedal falls too soon.
But every life that ever forms,
Or ever comes to be,
Touches the world in some small way
For all eternity.
The little one we long for
Was swiftly here and gone.
But the love that was then planted
Is a light that still shines on.
And though our arms are empty,
Our hearts know what to do.
Every beating of our hearts
Says that we do love you.
~Unknown
God's Flower Garden
Sometimes we can't quite understand Our Great Creators way
When he takes a life so young And leaves one withered, old and gray.
Whose life work seems finished, Perhaps is waiting for the call
While that life so young and tender
Held so much love for us all.
Then sometimes I get to thinking,
Perhaps this world down here below
Is just a flower garden,
Where God's flowers live and grow,
And perhaps when God is lonely ,
Like us, He likes to roam
In His garden gathering flowers
Just to beautify his Home.
Tho' He takes the full-bloom flowers
Drooped and withered that need His care
Still He needs a bud or blossom,
To scatter with them here and there,
So He takes a few choice blossoms
Just the rarest He can find
And because God needs them up in Heaven,
Must comfort loved ones left behind.
~Jeanne Parker
Revelations 21:4 And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; There shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.
I know that Isabelle has no pain and suffering and all she ever knew was love. She is up in heaven meeting up with all of our relatives that have passed away and that she is safe with Jesus. I love you my sweet angel Isabelle Grace Gould!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/thegouldfam/sets/72157625683205997/
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Duke University Study
I am so excited that Duke University called me back today! We are going to participate in a study for anencephaly babies and neural tube defects. The University is sending St. Luke's kits to draw Andy and I's blood and take a 20cm sample of skin from the baby for DNA testing. We won't get our results back, however we will be part of a huge research study that will hopefully find out what causes anencephaly so we can prevent it in the future. I hope that no other family has to go through this and they find a way to prevent it. Here is a link to Duke's research for anencephaly.... http://www.chg.duke.edu/diseases/anencephaly.html
We are going to induce labor tomorrow. I will go in around 6 to 7am and they will give me prostaglandins every 6 hours until the baby is born. I am excited to meet my little girl and I really hope that I get to spend some time with her. I hope that she is alive for a few hours so she will get to meet her mommy and daddy. Please pray for us tomorrow as it will be a very difficult day.
We are going to induce labor tomorrow. I will go in around 6 to 7am and they will give me prostaglandins every 6 hours until the baby is born. I am excited to meet my little girl and I really hope that I get to spend some time with her. I hope that she is alive for a few hours so she will get to meet her mommy and daddy. Please pray for us tomorrow as it will be a very difficult day.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Christmas 2010
Christmas 2010 046
Originally uploaded by ajgould
The weekend before my parents were out here and we celebrated our Christmas and it was a ton of fun too. It was good timing cuz the day they came in town was the day we found out our results on the ultrasound. It was great to have my family here during that time.
Jamison loved Christmas too and he got some pretty cool toys. Among his faves are going fishing in the wood boat for fish with a magnet pole, a tent with a tunnel, bear pet pillow, guitar, drum, tools and tool bench (although he still seems to like daddy's tools more). Jamison has really helped me a lot through this situation cuz all I have to do is look at him and he makes me smile. He has been learning some new sign language and new words recently. He knows the sign to more and can say it. He loves the word ball and can say baba, hot, cold, bath, and bye bye are among the words that he says. He also associates the words to their meaning. He is the best little boy and we are the luckiest parents in the world to have a son like him!
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Doctor visit
After some really tough discussions with our doctor as well as Andy and I, we have decided to induce labor on Jan. 5th. We will go in around 6 am and I will have prostaglandins given to me to induce the labor. While I am excited to meet my little girl Isabelle..I am sad that she may not make it through birth or may only live a few hours or minutes. It breaks my heart to have all of these plans for another child and they shatter like a mirror. I know we will be able to have more kids someday but I really wanted this little girl. The doctor's said that our chances of having another anencephaly baby are 3-4% so at least that is a good number. However why did this happen to us? I wish I had an answer. The only answer I could get was maybe a blood clotting disorder or because we are of Northern European descent. When I asked Dr. Eastman how many babies he has seen with this he said probably 10 in his career of being a doctor for 15 years. It is not very common. My friend that is an OB nurse says that she only sees one anencephaly baby delivered a year at her hospital. Why did we have to be that one? Well for whatever reason we are.
We have been put on a prayer list at our church and have spoken with our pastor. He also feels that we are making the best choice for our family and has had another family had this same experience in the church. He is going to speak with them and see if they would want to talk to us about it.
All of our family and friends have been amazing in this devastating situation by sending flowers and cards. My family and Andy's family have been helping us with setting up a memorial for our daughter that will be held on January 10.
In my earlier paragraph I told you that her name will be Isabelle. We will call her Isabelle Grace. Isabelle means "oath to God". I have made an oath to God that if it is his will that he please only take one child away from me. I really don't know if I can handle another loss. In the Bible it tells us that God will only give you what you can handle...well this is it...I can't handle any more losses.
We have been put on a prayer list at our church and have spoken with our pastor. He also feels that we are making the best choice for our family and has had another family had this same experience in the church. He is going to speak with them and see if they would want to talk to us about it.
All of our family and friends have been amazing in this devastating situation by sending flowers and cards. My family and Andy's family have been helping us with setting up a memorial for our daughter that will be held on January 10.
In my earlier paragraph I told you that her name will be Isabelle. We will call her Isabelle Grace. Isabelle means "oath to God". I have made an oath to God that if it is his will that he please only take one child away from me. I really don't know if I can handle another loss. In the Bible it tells us that God will only give you what you can handle...well this is it...I can't handle any more losses.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Bad news from OB office!
Last Wednesday while I was at work I got a call from my OB office telling me that my AFP (alpha feta protein which checks for abnormalities and neural tube defects as well as down's syndrome among a few things) was positive for neural tube defects and Trisomy 18. I was shocked becuase I never thought anything like this would happen to me. I started crying and I told my manager that I needed to leave work for the day. When the doctor's office also called I moved my ultrasound up to the next day.
On Thursday I went in and before my ultrasound the doctor came into to talk to me about my positive results and he informed me that based on the test results we had a 1 in 3 chance of have a baby with a neural tube defect. That was super high so then I was even more worried. The ultrasound tech started to do my ultrasound and everything looked good except for the head. I noticed this right away. The ultrasound tech couldn't tell us anything but she said that she will go get the doctor. Dr. Eastman came back in and told us that our baby doesn't have a brain or a skull and he will contact the perinatologist Dr Barsoom to confirm this. I immediately started crying and I didn't know what to think. The nurse came in next and said that they could get me in at St. Luke's Hospital right away to do a Level II ultrasound, which is more defined, and do a teleconference with Dr. Barsoom. Before we left the doctor's office we met one more time with Dr. Eastman. He told us that this condition is not compatible with life and our option is to induce labor. He told us that the baby may be stillborn upon birth or may live a few minutes or hours. He told me that he would give us prostaglandins to induce birth and have the baby naturally. He was great at explaining everything and assured us that there was nothing we could do to prevent this since we were taking prenatal vitamins. It just happens.
Next we went over to the hospital and got admitted for our next ultrasound. The ultrasound tech took a few pictures and then got Dr. Barsoom on a big TV screen and she showed him a few pictures of the baby. He confirmed that the baby has anencephaly which means there is no skull or brain. He also gave us options just like Dr. Eastman did. He also told us that we would do some genetic testing and they would also test me for MTHFR which takes the folic acid away from the baby. He also said that we would have a 3% risk of having another baby like this, so that was a relief. We talked to him for a little while longer and answered our questions.
We left there thinking what do we do next? Of course we have a lot of decisions to make and our family and friends have been great during this very difficult time.
On Thursday I went in and before my ultrasound the doctor came into to talk to me about my positive results and he informed me that based on the test results we had a 1 in 3 chance of have a baby with a neural tube defect. That was super high so then I was even more worried. The ultrasound tech started to do my ultrasound and everything looked good except for the head. I noticed this right away. The ultrasound tech couldn't tell us anything but she said that she will go get the doctor. Dr. Eastman came back in and told us that our baby doesn't have a brain or a skull and he will contact the perinatologist Dr Barsoom to confirm this. I immediately started crying and I didn't know what to think. The nurse came in next and said that they could get me in at St. Luke's Hospital right away to do a Level II ultrasound, which is more defined, and do a teleconference with Dr. Barsoom. Before we left the doctor's office we met one more time with Dr. Eastman. He told us that this condition is not compatible with life and our option is to induce labor. He told us that the baby may be stillborn upon birth or may live a few minutes or hours. He told me that he would give us prostaglandins to induce birth and have the baby naturally. He was great at explaining everything and assured us that there was nothing we could do to prevent this since we were taking prenatal vitamins. It just happens.
Next we went over to the hospital and got admitted for our next ultrasound. The ultrasound tech took a few pictures and then got Dr. Barsoom on a big TV screen and she showed him a few pictures of the baby. He confirmed that the baby has anencephaly which means there is no skull or brain. He also gave us options just like Dr. Eastman did. He also told us that we would do some genetic testing and they would also test me for MTHFR which takes the folic acid away from the baby. He also said that we would have a 3% risk of having another baby like this, so that was a relief. We talked to him for a little while longer and answered our questions.
We left there thinking what do we do next? Of course we have a lot of decisions to make and our family and friends have been great during this very difficult time.
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